Black Church

...Farewell happy fields

Where joy for ever dwells: hail horrors, hail

Infernal world, and thou profoundest Hell

Receive thy new possessor...

Paradise Lost: I:249-252

Praise Belanger, from whom this comic flows;

Praise him all readers here below;

Praise him above, ye big publishers two;

Praise him editors, helpers, and printers too.

So begins one’s induction into the Black Church, a self-published 40 page mini comic by Andy Belanger that can be summarized as follows: 

Holding snake and skull, topless Kelda (a harsh iron maiden) adorns the cover while the skulls of killers surrounded her feet; the back cover contains the number of the beast while within the book Vlad battles a bear for piece of mind; a powerslave bishop seek to forestall the seed of Vlad, (to be born somewhere in time, a true seventh son of a seventh son that offers no prayer for the dying nor has any fear of the dark); Vlad’s son, Dracula, will be powered by some internal dark X factor, whose power level goes to a virtual XI, to usher in a brave new world with his dance of death; the Bishop frets over a matter of life and death in Wallachia and fears the final frontier. Come on you Irons!

The story contains a coffin-full of fun with its take on a Dracula (even though he appears only in zygote form) story. When reading and ruminating upon Andy Belanger’s tale, the question kept recurring of what services Black Church offers that can’t be obtained at The house of ideas or the aisles of DC.  What does the Black Church provide that you can’t obtain in another congregation?

Quite a lot actually, and it all starts with the presentation.

Andy Belanger has a great package. The display and delivery of the comic comes bound in a snug fitting sleeve colored with Satan’s preferred colored scheme.

Black Church Legends and Lore: Rumors have surfaced that Belanger mixed his own blood with the dye for the sleeves. 

The tyranny of rectangles maintains tight clutches on the published shape of comics. While rectangles read well, the novelty of a square comic (in shape, not savviness) adds to the unique experience of reading Black Church. While I suspect printing and shipping this geometric oddity must have summoned undreamed of horrors with the post office, the originality and effect was enjoyed (at least by one reader).

Black Church Legends and Lore: If you face a mirror while holding the front comic cover of Black Church upside down, you can trace a pentagram onto the mirror following the triangular lines of flame and snake. That night, if you leave the pentagram on the mirror and have used the appropriate ink, a miniature Andy Belanger will crawl through the center of the pentagram and answer any questions you have about the comic. Be sure to have wine, coffee, and a variety of snacks.

Lest you fear this comic is about surface with no substance (all style and no content), rest your worries, the metal spikes bite deep and true.

Despite the presence of sin, witches, and demonic sperm, Black Church (in the vein of the best metal bands) sports vaudevillian flairs and contains some fine humor. Dracula’s daddy wears a robust and wild Tony Iommi moustache, Bruce Dickinson chest hair, and Ozzy Osborne locks. The dialogue retains a natural speech rhythm (fragments, short expressions and questions, utilitarian sentences and word groups that clearly convey meaning).

After falling off a cliff during their fight, Vlad and the bear look at one another in the best Looney Toon fashion.   The humor extends to dialogue as well. After killing the bear, Vlad and Kelda say to one another:

Kelda: “I’ll get you fixed up, but no funny stuff.”

Vlad: What do you mean? I’m really good at jokes.

Kelda: No no, get fresh, you know.

Vlad: “Fresh?” Oh right.”

A healthy flow of good cheer and tongue-in-cheek toughness courses through the panels.

Black Church Legends and Lore: Rumors have surfaced of readers who have read a certain page of dialogue backwards during a full moon in a chalk circle have been able to summon and control a demon newt.

While colors dazzle the eye, glorious black and white rarely fails to transfix the cornea. Resisting the obvious analogy of black and white representing good and evil, a reader should know this comic is all black, doused with inverted crosses, hairy skulls, demon-headed maps, witches, snakes, bats, the devil’s number, and serpentine sex. The black and white color scheme provides  a complexity, a depth and wide range of exploration for the possibilities of two colors. Whereas a full chromatic palette may charm momentarily, here the black and white draws awe with the plethora of variations achieved with two extremes.

Black Church Legends and Lore: According to rumors whispered in waiting lines at comic book conventions, Andy Belanger sacrificed the soul of a cartoon llama he created for a newspaper syndicate to guarantee the success of Black Church.

Bleanger’s care for the media (comics and metal) blaze on every page of this comic. Here you'll find a combination of elements undreamed of (well ok, at least unpublished) at the big two or any other publisher. So if you've ever laughed at a horror movie, if the volume on your radio always rests at 11, and if you know who Paul Di'Anno is, you won't be displeased by your purchase of Black Church. 

 The Playlist:

“Murders in the Rue Morgue” Iron Maiden

“Hooks in You” Iron Maiden

“The Family Ghost” King Diamond

“Living After Midnight” Judas Priest

“The Warp Riders” The Sword

“Paranoid” Black Sabbath

***An enjoyable trait of heavy metal bands (for me anyway) were the rumors, outrageous stunts, and acts that became attached to them. The Black Church Legends and Lore are totally fabricated from my twisted comic-book metal-pocked mind. Please don’t believe them. Please don’t try them at home. Please don’t send sacrificial corpses to Andy Belanger. He seems like a really nice guy, and besides, he needs time to work on Mad Priest! (the sequel to Black Church) and can’t be bothered with police investigations, exorcisms, or demon possession.

****Add to the Black Church Legends and Lore. Please place your totally false and fabricated rumor in the notes below, the stranger (and funnier) the better.